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PAST
JOKES
Changing Culture
A man whose wife delivered a boy five months after their marriage, asked
the gynaecologist the reason for this. The doctor said, 'I'll make it
easy for you to understand, these days this often happens in the case of
first child, but never afterwards.'
Consultation
A man visited his
psychiatrist with complaint of difficulty sleeping at night. He stated
the feeling of seeing ghosts under his bed. "Absolutely no
problem" said the psychiatrist. You need to see me once a
week for total of 6 weeks. My consultation per visit will be 200
dollars. The patient did not show up. The psychiatrist came across the
patient after a couple of weeks. How are you doing? I hope all is well,
you did not come for the therapy asked the psychiatrist. Well the
patient said, "I did not have the money to make it. I chopped the
four legs of the bed. There is no space between the bed and floor for
the ghost and I am sleeping well."
Professional
thieves
An unemployed man used to watch from his rooftop, few men enjoying daily
life at the local pub during the working hours. He always wondered if he
could do the same. One day he approached them and requested to be part
of their group. They said "we are thieves and if you are
interested, join us." Same night, they went for theft at a local
mansion. During the act, something fell in the kitchen and owner of the
house screamed in the dark, "Who is it?" One of the thieves
replied "Meow, Meow!" Owner said to family members, it seems
to be a cat and there is no problem. Next day the new recruit wondered
it is such a simple way out if things go wrong. He left the group to
carry out such activity by himself. During the theft at night a
decoration piece fell and woke up family members, one of them said in
the dark, "Who is it?" The man said it is a "Cat,
Cat!"
Reputation
A businessman buys a new
Rolls Royce car. After driving it for two days, it stops working. He is
very angry and phones the Rolls Royce dealer. One of the engineers there
opens the hood and says, 'Oh, my God there is no engine in it.' The
businessman says, 'How is that possible? I have been driving it for the
last two days' The engineer promptly replied; " You can drive a
Rolls Royce for two days on our reputation alone'.
Trust
One day a CEO of a company
gave a letter to the secretary to post. Next day he asked, "did you
post the letter, I gave you." "Yes Sir," replied the
secretary. Third day again he asked the secretary, "did you post
the letter, I had given to you the other day." Yes, replied the
secretary. On the fifth day, he asked the same question to the
secretary. The secretary said, "You don't trust me!" he put
his hand in the pocket and replied "here is the letter and
you can post it"
The Big Boss
Once a man went to the pet
store to buy a pet for himself. The salesman offered him three monkeys.
He asks the price of the first monkey. The shopkeeper says, "200
dollars, as he knows computers and typing".
He asks the price of the
second one and the shopkeeper says, "500 dollars". On asking
why so expensive, the shopkeeper says, "he knows how to surf the
internet and also web designing". He asks the price of third monkey
and the shopkeeper says, "2000 dollars". Why so expensive,
does he know everything? asks the man. "That I don’t know. He
doesn’t do anything, he just sits around; but the other two
monkeys call him the big boss".
Advertisement
A rich man had expired and
left for the heavenly abode. God said, "I see you have a reference
letter but I am sorry, I can't bring you back to life again. However, I
can show you a sample of heaven and hell and you can have a choice of
where to go".
In heaven everyone was
meditating, but in hell everyone was dancing. Hesitatingly, he said;
"I'd prefer hell".
When he arrived in hell he
was picked up by a demon and put in a cauldron of burning oil. He
shouted; "What is going on here". And God said, "What you
saw before was a publicity stunt. This is reality".
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